Just me and my flask

I’ve been single so long, even my family has given up on the fact that I’ll marry.  However, instead of telling it to my face, yesterday their thoughts were heard loud and clear in the form of a wedding invitation.

My 22-year-old cousin is getting married this summer – to her high school boyfriend.  It’s hard to control that vomit from exiting your mouth, isn’t it?!

While everyone is entitled to his/her own life choices, I’m also allowed to have my opinions.  After receiving the fancy invite in the mail (When it’s my turn, I’m totally doing a wedding e-vite), I noticed it did not have the essential “and guest” written after my name.  I tore into the envelope, thinking that these things often have like 5 envelopes until you get to the real invitation.  Surely my awesome aunt would let her eldest niece bring a date to her baby’s wedding!

To my demise, there was only one envelope – and one name.  Mine.  Where was my “and guest, damn it?!”  Perhaps this was a mistake…

I text my sister, who has had a boyfriend for 8 months, and in my family, that’s almost like being married (or so my mom would like to think).  She got the “and guest.”  Fuuuuuuuckkkk.

At this point, I did a few things:

1.) Poured a huge glass of wine.

2.) Hoped that they at least got a hot bartender for the cash bar, where I will be all night on July 10, and probably most of the morning on July 11.

3.) Wondered if this means it’s okay for me to make out with random frat boys from my cousin’s fraternity?

4.) Drank more wine and realized that being the oldest cousin means nothing if you’re not the first in the family to get hitched.

Because I am a huge fan of family members I barely know crinkling their faces when I tell them I “haven’t found the one yet,” I think I will bring a date to this shin-dig: my flask.  Filled with vodka and then re-filled when I bat my drunky eyes at the bartender. 

Yes, I’m a tad bitter.  I’ve been to many weddings alone and even lost a few friendships over this stupid “plus-one” etiquette rule.  It’s the principle of the matter that pisses me off the most.  Having the option to bring a date to a wedding is nice, especially if you’re purchasing airline tickets to go to the middle of nowhere. 

Good thing my flask looks good with all of my outfits!

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~ by citygal on May 6, 2010.

10 Responses to “Just me and my flask”

  1. Oliver would like to be your date. He’s handsome, doesn’t say ignorant things, and will make out for hours on end without expecting anything more, whether you are sober, drunk, or wa-ay-asted.

    Buy her some super-ugly home decoration that’s not on her registry but she’ll be required to put in her home because a family member bought it for her. 😉 I love you …

  2. A flask sounds like a fantastic date 😉

  3. I have to say, as much as not getting the plus one invite sucks, I understand it. Since I am in my mid twenties, all my friends are getting hitched right now. And as I listen to them plan their weddings and look at how much everything is going to cost, I can’t help thinking that I might do the same thing if I ever end up getting married someday. I mean if someone is married or has a serious boyfriend, then they deserve to bring them. But a random date? When I get married, I don’t wanna pay $50 for someone I don’t even know.

  4. When everything else sucks ass .. you gotta love the loyal flask ! Urgh, I feel you though, this “plus one” business is really dumb.

  5. my roommate and his gf said “unless you are there, getting married, you shouldn’t fucking judge..it’s a nightmare to plan the seating chart and wedding and who all is coming”.

    i’d say that i would contact another friend who owns a wedding planning and catering company and have him confirm, but i am pretty sure i agree as well.

    so when are we going out?

  6. i did an email invite for my wedding…saved a ton of money! i don’t care if it was tacky…invitations…no screw it, WEDDINGS, are a waste of time and money…the only people who care are the ones getting married…

    of course, I’m still having a wedding at some point since both our parents insist…c’est la vie…

  7. Hooray for the flask! 🙂

    Since I’m also at the age when my friends are getting married around me, I hear things from both ends.

    If I were to take time out of my weekend to celebrate with someone (who may not even be close to me), I would want the option to at least have good company.

    I can also understand how costs are a factor. Catering costs, seating, etc.

  8. I’m sorry girl, but just remember: you and your fabulous self will make the best of the night (even if a flask is essential to making this happen!!! :).

  9. How did maggie know my name? Although I appreicate her sentiment, think it’s a little too early for us to attend a wedding together 🙂 If you’re single or just starting to date somebody, it’s better to go solo to a wedding for a number of reasons…no awkward intros/relationship explanation, no having to entertain somebody who doesn’t know anybody else at the wedding while also trying to socialize with family, and finally – keeping your options open for good old no-strings-attached wedding hook-ups. Embrace the no “and guest”.

  10. haha, Oliver is Maggie’s dog and I really hope my standards don’t stoop low enough to date canines, but you never know 😉

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