I drunk Facebooked my ex

It was a random weekday night.  I was high on Miller Lites, none of which I paid for.  I knew I was intoxicated, yet I was still aware of my name.  As my friends and I parted ways, I sloshed myself into a taxi.  Alone with a taxi driver who was speaking Arabic on his cell phone, I knew this drunkenness was taking me to the point of no return – the moment when all that booze makes us do something crazy, something we think is a good idea, but is really the worst idea ever.  Some people drunk text their exes.  Some call and leave slurred messages, where the only decodable words are “Fuck you.”  Me?  Well, I take the less confrontational approach.  I drunk Facebook.

In the taxi, as that lonesome feeling started settling in, I thought about an ex.  A college ex, if you will.  I broke his heart.  Twice.  Eight years ago.  We’ve both moved on, yet still send each other “Happy Birthday” Facebook messages.  In my despair, I thought about a song I’d heard at the bar that reminded me of him.  Then, I had an epiphany:  “I should tell him that I heard this song!”

So, in my drunken stupor, I compose a Facebook message.  I even proofread for typos.  I tell him I heard the song and hope he’s doing well.  And probably some other things that I don’t remember because after I hit “send,” I refused to look at it, especially the next day when I woke up and thought “What the fuck did I do on Facebook last night?!”

Apparently, my message didn’t appear desperate, as my ex wrote me back two days later.  He laughed about the song, giving it two “haha’s,” then told me he had recently been in my city and that he was “sorry he missed me.” 

Now, we’re both from the Midwest, so I called “Bull shit” on this line as soon as I read it.  He’s not “sorry” he conveniently did not tell me he was in town.  But, that’s okay – we broke up for a reason and although he’s still a hottie, in the end, our lives were heading in different directions. 

But still, sometimes when we’re in rough patches, it’s nice to think about those men in our lives who didn’t dick us over and “what would have been” with them.  Just don’t turn it into a drunk Facebook message.  And if you do, be sure to proofread.


~ by citygal on April 6, 2010.

5 Responses to “I drunk Facebooked my ex”

  1. Well, at least you didn’t embarrass yourself! I have never done this but it sounds like it could’ve been pretty bad.

  2. Why are we the same person?! I am QUEEN of Drunk Facebooking. It’s the devil. I really do need a breathalyzer on my computer.

  3. I give you credit for proofreading. I admit the one thing I couldn’t do when I broke up with J was to defriend her on facebook. All numbers, emails, etc… gone. But facebook remained (I couldn’t help wanting to get a glimpse in to her life at my convenience). She eventually posted a comment on something on my page and I sent her a facebook email, then we talked. I don’t know if I wish I had or wish I hadn’t sent that email, but at least it was free of typos. 🙂

  4. I’m a tiny bit concerned that this post made me go direct to Facebook and do a little stalking…I’m not generally a facebook stalker! Help!

  5. geez, you never ever drunk text or fb me! wtf?
    but on the same topic it looks like those messages that i thought i wrote last night were just a dream. whooo. cuz i really like that girl! ahaha

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