My poker face is horrible

Lady Gaga’s not the only one with a poker face.  Or hideous taste in fashion.  Truth be told, we all put on our “poker faces” from time to time – and most of the time we’re not even playing poker.

Women are supposed to be strong, independent beings.  And we are most of the time.  But sometimes, we just want to curl up in a ball and cry because that D-bag of a man doesn’t love us.  We know he’s not worth our tears, but fuck it – we’re sad.  We tell ourselves, “Stop it! You’re stronger than this.”  And eventually, we scrape ourselves up from our self-loathing and go about our lives. 

But what about those times when we feel so alone, but are surrounded by friends?  We want to scream, “Why the eff doesn’t anyone want to be with me?  I’m fucking awesome!!!!”  Instead, we hover awkwardly around the bar, sipping on something that will get us drunk quickly and put on our best poker face.  People ask, “How are you?” We reply that we’re fine/good/amazing/better since that dickfuck is out of our lives.

And you know what? People believe us.  They agree that we’re better off alone and they promise we’ll find someone better than that piece of trash ex of ours. We ‘d like to believe these friends and acquaintances, so we smile and nod – then we watch as these friends leave with their significant others while we’re still lingering around the bar like a puppy who lost its owner.

I know one day I’ll be on the flip-side of the poker face.  And honestly, I’m genuinely happy for my friends who don’t have to put on such a mask when talking about the man in their lives.  Perhaps one day my bitterness and poker face will be less distinguishable and ultimately, a thing of the past.  Or maybe I’ll replace them both with something new:  Alcohol face, anyone?

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~ by citygal on March 29, 2010.

3 Responses to “My poker face is horrible”

  1. Ah, the masks we wear. Unfortunately, I find myself wearing one more often than not lately…

  2. Yeah, I agree. I wear the poker face all the time. I’m jobless, single and living with my mother.. of course I’ve gotta fake my “happiness”, lol.

    It’s not all fake of course, there’s always a bit of my cheery personality in there 😀 hehe

  3. Oftentimes, we need to pretend to hide our vulnerabilities. But in the end we must face our inner battles in order for us to grow stronger. 🙂

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