You don’t challenge me

We all know that men love to use “cop-outs” when they want to get out of a relationship.  It’s a cowardly thing to do, but for some reason, people feel that it’s better to protect one’s feelings than to tell them the truth. 

One of the most popular cop-outs is “Why can’t we be friends?”  Well, I have a long list of reasons why I can’t be friends with an ex.  For one, you’ve been inside me – there’s no way I can sit across from you while we scarf down burgers and shoot the shit, because although it seems platonic, I will always be thinking about your cock.  So no, we cannot and will not be friends.

While it may not be easy to remove your ex from your life, perhaps the most hurtful part of a break-up is trying to decipher the cop-out.  I’ve heard everything from “Something’s missing, but I don’t know what it is,” to “I don’t know what my feelings mean,” and yes, even “I honestly just don’t know.”  What the fuck?  What do you mean you “don’t know” why you’re breaking up with me? 

In my mind, guys do know.  But they don’t want to hurt us.  So instead of saying, “You’re not the one for me,” they make things hazy by providing you with false hope and lame excuses.  The break-up already hurts.  And while the truth might be hurtful at first, I’ll respect you a lot more later because you are honest

But sometimes, too much honesty is also a problem.  A dear friend of mine just broke up with her boyfriend, who she had been dating for a year.  He couldn’t commit and she needed someone who could.  A few days after she let him go, she heard from him.  No, he didn’t want her back.  Instead, he felt the need to tell her why he thought he couldn’t commit and he stated “You don’t challenge me.”  Now, I’m sure my friend did not fill out a registration form before dating him.  She was not promised a free technical t-shirt upon completion of the relationship.  Why?  Because a relationship is not a race!  Nor is it a job.  She didn’t challenge him?  More like, he’s scared to challenge himself to commit to someone. 

Unfortunately, cop-outs will probably always be prevalent when it comes to breaking up.  However, the older I get, the less bull shit I want to put up with.  And perhaps when I meet a man who feels the same way, “cop-out” will be a dead word in my dictionary.


~ by citygal on February 21, 2010.

8 Responses to “You don’t challenge me”

  1. Well, I could understand the “You don’t challenge me.” A girl for me has to have some backbone, push my buttons a little here and there. Piss me off once in awhile too and make me a little jealous and tell me she wants to hang out with the girls and doesn’t need to see me 7 days a week.

    I dated a girl once and it lasted maybe 5 months and I broke up with her for almost the same reason. I’m a busy guy and she would just wait around for me all day everyday waiting for my call. She needed to get a life, she needed to hang out with her girlfriends, volunteer, pick up a hobby, or sport. She would do anything I asked and would never say no, I HATED IT! I told her and I think I hurt her feelings, I felt like a dick, but in the long run I think it will help her……………. she needed to switch deodorant too, it smelled weird.

    • I agree with you somewhat. If one person in a relationship is willing to give up all that he/she loves, then no, that’s not challenging you. I dated a man who was laid back. I am really outgoing, so we challenged each other in that way. I learned how to relax with him and hopefully he learned how to be more outgoing, meet new people and otherwise, do things that he normally wouldn’t do. However, when a woman still keeps her independence and her “girls nights out,” yet the man still needs to be challenged, I find that very hard to believe. Especially if he doesn’t know in what way he needs to be challenged.

  2. I agree, the cop-outs are lame. When my college boyfriend of four year broke up with me, he told me it was because he felt I was holding him back from moving to New York and starting his music career eventhough I was fine with it. A week after we broke up he had a new girlsfriend on FB. Two years later, they are still together and he is STILL HERE, not pursuing his career. Bottom line, he just didn’t want to be with ME anymore and he should have had the balls to say it instead of making up lame excuses.

  3. while i agree a cop out is all too lame, it’s better than simply disappearing on you -which has happened to me…hah.

    ‘something’s missing and I don’t know what it is’ is a line from a John Mayer song, which makes the dude who used it doubly lame and unoriginal.

    thanks for stopping by my blog citygal, i’ll link it to mine if you like 🙂

  4. i can understand the challenge thing…i hate guys who are pushovers…they never stand up for themselves, it’s like i want a guy who pushes me and doesn’t let me get my way all the time. that was my problem with the last two guys, anytime there was an argument, i always won and it got boring…i want to admit defeat sometimes too, you know?

  5. Can i have your friends number? oh yeah.
    Psssh, i hate these games. you people who are complaining about your sig. not challenging you are, like, sooo immature. Relationships are difficult enough without someone trying to start drama; there is this girl in my group of friends who throws out these little challenges to her boyfriend and you know what my advice to him is: dump that bitch.

    Saying that someone isn’t a challenge for you is really saying that you are no longer attracted to the person or that there isn’t a spark there anymore, or you discover that your partner and you aren’t really that compatible with things you like. That’s fine. Like citygalwrites, suck it up and be honest.

    Oh, and to your friend who wanted more commitment: everyone has a different time frame and is it worth throwing away a future because yours is a little faster or slower than your partners? The trend especially among more cosmopolitan and higher educated is to date longer and marry later. Sure that can suck but if you could stay with the relationship, that person might eventually catch up to your time frame. And at least in the meantime you have someone to spend time with, and laugh with, and talk to when you’re feeling bad.

    And just one question: if you come to visit and we go to dinner what will you be…um…thinking about? hehehhe

    • If a man is unable to say “I love you” after a year of dating, then why should a woman wait for him? It’s pretty clear-cut – if you can’t or don’t know if you love someone after being with them for an extended period of time, when will you know? Personally, I’d rather spend my time with someone who DOES love me, versus a man who MIGHT one day love me.

      • well, i don’t know the specifics of the case, but saying “i love you” doesn’t really mean anything these days. it’s just a ploy in movies. men say the “love” women all the time to get them in bed. i love you…did it work?

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