Shades of Gray

Being in a gray zone with a man is no way to live.  Unless, that’s what you want.  However, most of the time, I find that women need answers and certainty – at least, I do. 

When it comes to men, many of them have no clue what they want.  These guys are typically in their late twenties/early thirties and although the bulk of their guy friends have married and moved to the suburbs, they’re still living with roommates and eating take-out every night.  And you know what?  This lifestyle doesn’t phase them one bit.

They claim that they’d like to join their grown-up friends and move forward in their lives, yet despite all the weddings they attend alone, the fact that a “night out with the boys” now includes five of his once closest buddies – and their real “boys,” these men can’t get their shit together.  Instead, they situate themselves in a gray zone where they don’t have to make any definitive decisions.

Guys who live in the “gray” love keeping women on the “back burner” so to speak.  Although they may deeply care for you, enjoy your company, and ultimately have a kick-ass time with you, they don’t know what those feelings mean.  Or more like, they are afraid to figure out what they mean.  So, they keep you around to satisfy their daily craving.  They text, e-mail, perhaps even want to hang-out from time to time.  And what do us women do?  We soak up every moment, read into each text, and stalk our inboxes for his name.  Essentially, we acquire false hope.  Because we know what we want – we want him.  But what does he want?  That’s the question of the century.

Confront any man who puts you in the gray zone and you’ll get an answer that’s as blurry as the alarm clock before puting on your glasses.  Yes, he will still try to keep you in some shade of gray because it supplies him time while he attempts to figure out his shit.  That is, if he wants to figure things out.  Plus, he has you in a “safe spot” just in case he decides that you are “the one.”

Ladies – don’t settle for any shade of gray.  If a guy can’t make up his mind about you, then do you really want to be with him?  Perhaps his uncertainty is just his way of nicely telling you that you aren’t the one. 

I’m not an expert on men by any means, but I do know that I deserve a man who doesn’t put me in a gray area.  And while it hurts to extract yourself from the gray, just remember – if he truly cares for you, it’s probably hurting him too.  But you have better things to do than to wait around until he figures out his feelings.  Because reality is – he might never do so. 

So chalk it up as “his loss” – because no woman deserves gray.  It’s a boring color anyways.

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~ by citygal on February 11, 2010.

6 Responses to “Shades of Gray”

  1. ok so my comment totally got cut off…but anyway i just wanted to say that i completely agree with this post! go you for figuring it out sooner rather than later!

  2. I totally agree with this, too! Congrats on your first blog post! Looking forward to reading more :).

  3. Yay! I am SO happy you are blogging again.

    Normally, I totally agree with you. Never ever settle for a guy that isn’t willing to put you first! Although I guess you could qualify what DD and I have as a gray area. I think because it is on both our parts though, it works for us. Here’s to hoping that shade of gray becomes a little more clear soon.

  4. Good for you for stepping away! I’m pleased you’ve come back!

  5. The end game grey zone that you reference is totally right. But in the beginning, women are like easily startled cute little deer and run away from men (possibly great men) who show too much or too genuine interest too soon. make up your minds!

    • That’s because women have walls they put up due to men who put us in the gray and break our hearts. We think these “genunine” men are “too good to be true” and we get scared. Guys should be patient and make us feel comfortable. Hell, even then, when they promise they “won’t hurt us,” they sometimes do. I guess promises aren’t like diamonds in that they’re not forever.

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